I just read a very interesting blog (the comments, they are what made this post interesting). And it got me thinking. I have recently made a decision to take myself more seriously as an artist. The hard part is worrying about whether YOU take me serious as an artist. I don’t know why that bothers me, but it always has. Last night I was sitting on the… ummm… I was sitting where most people do the majority of their thinking. I started realizing that most people, including myself don’t know my full capabilities as an artist. Usually immediately after creating a piece- I am pretty dag gum impressed with my self. This is almost always proceeded with over analyzing and self criticizing. There’s that fear that if you really knew what I was capable of… you wouldn’t like it. Or maybe I wouldn’t like it… or maybe I’m not as good as I like to think I am. Or perhaps I’m better… If I am better would you expect more out of me and be disappointed that I didn’t show you I was better sooner?
I’ve gotten to a place of frustration in my professional life. I do love my job. I enjoy the people that I work with (for the most part). I realize how blessed I am to be in my position… but is this it? Is this what I am going to spend the rest of my days doing day in and day out just to make a dollar? Is this what I was created to do? Sit behind a desk and crunch numbers all day… answer dumb questions from dumb customers… dream about drilling that pencil through my eyeballs on an hourly basis. I sure hope not. So… now what? How do I change this? What do I do about it?
I’ve never NOT had a job… I’ve never been fired, never let go. I’ve quit- but only because I had something else lined up. Now, I’m not looking at NOT having a job… but looking at following my passion… and doing it out of my home. But I don’t even know where to begin.
It really sounds so lovely doesn’t it…. Follow your passion… Do what you love… But is it? How am I going to make ends meet doing art? I’m not so convinced that art will pay the bills. I just keep thinking “Im too old to be a starving artist”.
Well, I may not be able to quit my job… and I may be spending more money on art supplies than I am making in sales… but I do have some fun things lined up… things that prove I am taking myself seriously… things that prove I am an artist- not just a chick with an art hobby… Things I’m going to do for ME- whether you take me seriously or not.