How Stella got her grove back… Stella being me, Danielle.

I put alot of expectations on myself.  No one else does… just me.  And I have NEVER been in line and operating in ALL of those expectations.  I just realized this last night as I was laying in bed at about 2:46 (yeah I checked the clock) and couldn’t sleep.  No one expects much of me other than I  be faithful and loving to my husband, do my job to the best of my ability, and love on some children on Sunday mornings… Really… those were the only expectations that others have for me that I could come up with.  Yet, I am constantly disappointed in myself for not rising to the expectations I have for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, it is a good thing to have your own expectations.  If I didn’t have ANY- I wouldn’t do much at all… But sometimes we try to be WAY more than we were created to be.  We weren’t created to be Super Mom, Wonder Wife, Amazing Artista, Decor Diva, Culinary Cassanova, Fabulous Friend, Stylish Sista…. and the list goes on.  Most of us are gifted in one or two of these areas… why do we feel it so necessary to master ALL of them.  For alot of people it stems back to childhood and blame can be laid on their parents.  Mine definitely stems back to childhood, but I can’t fault my parents.  I was VERY blessed to have parents that accepted my strengths, AND my weaknesses.  I was never pushed to do something I didn’t want to do- or punished if I failed, as long as I gave it my all.  But I can remember as a teenager pushing myself to unhealthy limits just so I could accomplish AS MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.  I remember going 4 days without eating because I was “too busy”.  I was 17.  That’s not normal.  No one made me be so active.  As a matter of fact- I cried for days because my parents made me drop some of my extra curricular activities and made me quit my high school job.  I don’t know WHERE this all stemmed from.  I like to think I am ambitious… But my actions are, and have been, beyond explanation.

As I laid in bed last night- highly irritated because I couldn’t sleep- and I was just laying there when I should have gotten up and done something… I realized that I just need to chill.  I need to re-evaluate the expectations I have on myself and maybe pair down some of them.

In the past few years my goal had been to learn to say “no”… And I think I am doing good with that one.  So now its on to another goal… set REALISTIC and REACHABLE expectations for myself.  So here are some new expectations I am putting on myself.

Drink more wine

Paint more

Leave the house a Mess at least once a week (this will be hard)

Sit outside on the porch and watch the “weather” for at least 30 minutes twice a week.  No book, no task, no friends… just me and NOTHING.

Let Jimmy plan dinner once a week (another hard one- I’m such a control freak I don’t like people messing in my kitchen)

Keep my opinions to myself- unless they are asked for.

These are just a few.  Of course I still want to maintain sanity at work and at home.  I will keep to my obligations as well… but maybe these few things will help me let go of that “perfect” image I have of myself and my home (and my life).

The last thing I want to do is loose focus of what is important to me- so with this “letting go” I have also zero’d in on a few areas I need to “tighten up” on.

I need to get back in shape

I need to read my Bible more

I need to make more of an effort to keep in touch with my family

To judge less, and offer grace more! (even to stupid people)

So there ya go folks.  My commitment to myself…

SIDE NOTE:

I love your comments!!!  For whatever reason I get more emails than comments (I love those too)… Please- your feed back is awesome- and I appreciate it… so leave comments!  They make my day!

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About jellybeansundae

Im just a not so average 30-something experiencing life at a different angle.
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5 Responses to How Stella got her grove back… Stella being me, Danielle.

  1. Mindy says:

    I have no problems leaving the house a mess! 😉 Seriously, I do the same thing. I set impossible and unrealistic goals. They’re good goals, but they’re not something I can realistically accomplish (at least at first). Maybe that’s why I like pinterest so much. I can plan how I’m going to be an amazing cook, home decorator, and teacher.

  2. Roxanne says:

    Here I am, making your day. ; )

    BTW, I love you just the way you are!

  3. Jill Barlow says:

    Danielle, I understand how you feel. I too, go to bed feeling down about myself because I didn’t finish this or that sometimes. It is good to realize that you’ve created a monster and put a stop to it. God loves you and created you as you are. He only expects you to love Him back. If you don’t practice a day of rest, I highly recommend it. We ALL need a day to chill every week and do nothing. I love you and am so glad you are a part of my family.

  4. Kristie says:

    Love your goals. I def. struggle with being everything. And as bad as this may be – I love hearing other woman tell me how I always have it together. But, really, there are many dark moments that no one sees (except maybe my hubby) and those moments I have lost all control. My biggest struggle is drawing the line of being together and relaxing. The problem is I often enjoy many of the things that allow me to have it together – I love to cook, clean, organize. There is a HUGE satisfaction in me knowing I have a clean house, an organized closet, and a delicious, homemade meal for my family. I love to relax too, but I can’t seem too unless all my t’s are crossed. And often times I sit down to relax only to see something that needs to be done. It is a vicious cycle. I am thankful for my hubby who often forces me to take a break because even with two crazy kids, I still forget to relax.

    I know you can achieve these goals!

  5. Cici says:

    With all your “redefining” don’t forget to breathe in there somewhere. 😉 You are such an incredible woman and I marvel at how you get it all done.

    Oh, last comment… Some of us value your opinion so please don’t always keep them to yourself!

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